Saturday 21 December 2013

December 21st --- hard to believe --- a difficult month.

I just wanted to stick a little message on mom's blog to let her followers know that I have turned her blog into a book --- a 500 page book with all of her posts and coloured photos.  If you're interested in a copy of it just drop me an email and i'll provide the details.  The cost is around $170 - i'll have to double check on the exact numbers…but it's the size of a phone book!

Love to you all - and Merry Christmas!

Wednesday 4 September 2013




My Mom – the strongest woman I’ve known.   My “favorite” Mom, my unrelenting cheerleader, bearer of my stress, shoe consultant extraordinaire, enabler of my coffee addiction, my shoulder, my confidant, my bear --- my person. Mom was a firecracker. Fierce. Stubborn. Really Funny. Reliable. Loyal. Loud.  She had a pure, immeasurable love for her family and her friends and a truly unwavering passion for life and adventure. Of course my mom was a gym teacher for (33 years) – and a pretty good one I hear – but that story has already been told. But a teacher she certainly was – my first and longest.  So today I’ve decided to share with you the 4 greatest lessons I’ve learnt from mom.

Lesson Number One:  "When you count your blessings – count your family twice"

Our family was the most important thing to Mom.  Mom was a devoted daughter – sharing a relationship with her parents that certainly transcended generations.   Mom was unequivocally the most constant positive light in my life. When I think back through my childhood I’m filled with an intense sense of gratitude for being blessed with parents who gave us an idyllic upbringing.  Perhaps one of things my mom did best was truly nurture and encourage mine and Geoff’s imaginations. Each year Geoff and I were surprised with incredibly elaborate themed birthday parties - pirates, pandas, sailors, superheros, cowboys – mom was famous for hosting these events.  At Christmas - a real live Santa Clause would come, sac of presents and all, to our family dinner. On every Christmas morning we would find reindeer hove prints perfectly etched on the deck but no footprints to be found.  In true mom fashion she went above and beyond these traditional ways of fostering our imaginations.  She once told Geoff that if he put salt on the tails of animals they would freeze and so he spent a significant amount of his childhood chasing wildlife around the ravine - magpies, deer, gophers – bag of table salt in hand!  In fact, once he managed to sprinkle salt on a maimed magpie and when it was unable to fly away Geoff was absolutely convinced that mom was right! After that, he even tried to freeze a friend.

Mom believed in making us feel special. She infused holidays, vacations, birthdays, anniversaries and Sunday dinners with her own personal flare.  As kids, each year on our birthdays we got to pick out one “sugary” cereal – so once a year I would gorge myself on fruit loops and bounce of the walls.  Every Christmas Eve she would leave a bran spankin’ new pair of pajamas on my bed.  Milestones were always celebrated. Heartbreaks were met with a cup of Early Grey tea and a sympathetic but practical ear. She was always the first recipient of any of my good news – and reliably she would mirror my enthusiasm but respond with “of course you did” OR “I knew you would” – her confidence in me never waivered.   Even the year I won the National doubles final and ALL of the Mom’s bet against my partner and I (I still can’t believe you guys were placing bets) - mom placed her bet on US (she admitted later that guilt played a role in this). Simply put, mom was utterly thoughtful and one of the most giving individuals I have ever met.

Mom and dad prioritized family vacations – some of the most memorable include hiking the West Coast Trial, kayaking the Broken Group Islands, time with our Grandparents in Windermere at the cabin and Christmas in Maui. But mom also made a conscious effort to have alone time with both Geoff and I – memories we both treasure.  Each summer she would take each of us on a backcountry-backpacking trip.  In her absence these last few weeks I have spent a significant amount of time traipsing in the backcountry – to me, this is where I feel Moms presence the most - she truly loved the mountains.

In mom’s last days it became more difficult to carry on a conversation.  She had troubles answering simple questions – she would get confused.  But when we said, “I love you” she would immediately reciprocate with absolutely clarity.  When nothing else made sense and all other meaningful conversation was lost – this remained.  Thank you Mom for teaching us to love and to hold on tighter through the hard times.  Thank you Mom (and Dad) for teaching us what wedding vows really mean and for teaching us how parents are supposed to love their children.  For teaching us that there is nothing in this world that is more important than family.

Lesson Number Two: “Grow your friendships – because going for a pedicure with your man ain’t cool”
Mom was a woman who had friends, a lot of them, AND the real kind – from every decade and every nook and cranny of her life.  She absolutely treasured these relationships and she worked hard to maintain them – and encouraged us to do the same.  Mom had the “gift of gab” and loved a good piece of innocent gossip - but if ever accused of actually being a gossip she would say, “I’m just interested in people” – and this was SO true. 


When mom first got sick I found myself asking myself “what’s the point?”  Mom was a lifelong health advocate, a poster-child for active living – and when she got esophageal cancer I couldn’t help but feel like the karma driven universe had made some grand mistake.   Over the course of mom’s illness the answer to my question gradually became clear. The measure of mom’s life was defined by the gestures of her friends.  The letters, cards, emails - the cinnamon buns, soups, casseroles in our freezer -  the t-shirts and hoodies with scribbled inspiration, the lovingly hand crafted photo album on our fireplace mantel, the pooh pillow on her bed, the dragon poster on the wall, the endless number of trinkets and toys – the HERD of white rabbit paraphernalia, the $126 000 raised for the ride to conquer cancer, the hundreds of emails that have filtered through her inbox and the 123 961 blog hits from as far away as Russia and South Africa.   Among all the anger, pain and confusion - in my mind the purpose of mom’s life somehow made itself clear – the grand gestures represented the depth of her friendships – a lifetime of mutual support.

Mom taught us how to keep from taking our friends for granted and through this loss I’ve learned that these friendships are what walk us through times like these. 

Lesson number 3:  “Laughter is the best medicine … especially when it’s inappropriate”
I think we would all agree that Mom was spirited – mischievous - and famous for her big laugh. When life seemed utterly relentless Mom embraced humor as a crutch – through it all she laughed and enjoyed the anecdotes and the craziness and the mayhem.  The first time we saw Mom after she came out of her esophagectomy surgery she opened her eyes, gazed around looking a bit confused, gave us a thumbs up and then in a muffled whisper asked for a glass of wine.   The “muffled whisper” persisted – a complication from the surgery where mom’s vocal cords were injured and resulting in the loss of her voice.  This was perhaps one of the most devastating blows – but mom laughed at the irony – joking that it was fates way of letting her friends get a word into their conversations.   

My moms sense of humor throughout her fight with cancer was distinct – a choke-on-your-coffee type humor.  I remember the day she brought home esophageal twists (dried pigs esophagus’s) from the pet store.  She held them up to herself, like she was trying them on for size where her esophagus had once been before her surgery – giggling about how morbid it was.   Every single time mom went for chemo or hydration we would have a chuckle about one of her favorite nurses – IVY – who couldn’t start an IV.  Mom never had the heart to send Ivy away – so at the expense of her veins Ivy’s feelings were spared.

Cancer slowly strips so much away.  But mom taught me to see the beauty in every day.  She made a choice to live her life fully despite the twists and turns and speedbumps along the way.  Mom adjusted her expectations, she set new goals, she shogged instead of jogged  and she made a conscious choice to laugh – a lot – and today, that lesson is obvious.

Lesson Number Four:  “Life’s too short – BUY the shoes”
Mom was a minor superstar when it came to her attitude.  She taught us that life could be defined by whatever we choose it to be defined by. Cancer did not define my Mom’s life and although it’s hard to imagine right now, our lives will not be defined by loss but by joy. 

When it came to mom’s attitude – she strongly believed in the following truths:
  •  You are in charge of your attitude
  •  Take control of the things you can and don’t worry about the things you can't
  • Practice your P’s –positivity, perseverance and patience
  • Look after your health!  It's a gift we all need to give ourselves.  Your fitness and health are going  to save your life.
  • Hey kids – winning isn’t everything…but it’s really really F%$ing important
Shortly after Mom’s first surgery we were in for a follow up appointment with her oncologist.  Mom was very sick – she had developed a serious bout of pneumonia.  After the appointment her oncologist asked to speak with me alone.  I will never forget the conversation that unraveled – it went something like this:  “Kelli – your mom is a farmer – farmers are tough by nature - a difficult breed – you never really know how they are feeling because everything is always “ok” – so you make sure you keep a close eye on her and tell me how she’s  really doing."  This same oncologist would later refer to my mom as his “miracle patient” – mom loved that – she wholeheartedly believed in miracles and she believed she would be one of them.  THIS may not have been how she defined her miracle – but I believe the quality of life she attained after her surgeries, largely a result of the attitude she adopted towards living with cancer, allowed us to embark on several amazing family vacations:  time with the family at the cabin, trips to Mexico, Hawaii, the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas  --  that was our miracle.

Mom lived with intention.  Through the loss of a few close friends, she had an awareness that tomorrow wasn’t promised to any of us.  She learned not to put things off…well, not longer than 20 years. As a 6 year old, mom promised me she would take me to Disneyland. When I finally graduated from medical school off we went to fulfill my childhood dream.  We woke up early to be the first ones at the gate, wore the mouse ears for the entirety of our trip, rode every single ride --- which was quite the feat considering her and I are two of the most motion sick puckers you know.  I will never forget arriving to Disney Adventureland early in the morning – my eyes drawn to the enormous looming rollarcoaster I promptly told Mom we would be skipping that one.  Distracted by our lattes we wandered through the park and found ourselves lined up under a canopy for our first ride of the day.  It wasn’t until we were literally strapped in to the ride when I looked over at mom and saw the cheeky grin dance across her face – “Mom is THIS”…… Then ---- BLAST OFF 0-90km/hr in 4 seconds.  I have never and since never screamed or laughed so hard and I’m still not sure I have forgiven her.  I thought back to that moment a lot when Mom went through treatment – she embraced life through its ups and down - put her arms up in the arm, screamed a little, laughed a lot and enjoyed the ride!!!

My mom never
 complained. Truly. Rarely she would have what she’d call “a pity party” – which would last about 20 minutes – a few quiet tears, a few solid curses -- then she would declare it to be over and she would carry on.  Mom approached her battle with cancer with ferocity and courage I had never seen before. Initially when she was diagnosed I felt so helpless – I struggled – I wondered if I could possibly be the daughter of this incredible woman.  But watching her fight her fight -  I learned from her – and that ferocity, courage, attitude – I now know she put
 that in us too – on purpose – her final lesson.

There are endless lessons – and mom has personally shared these with you through her blog.  In the end, my mom died the same way she lived. She laughed and
 smiled and enjoyed everything she could get from this life – she fought, she struggled and she didn’t want to leave this world.  What I’m going to miss about mom is her reactions, and how
 she never hesitated to tell you who she loved, who she disliked or what she thought (even
 if it was a quick judgment).  Mom would tell you how she loved her 
family with more love than one person should be able to muster.  My
 Mom's love for us never stopped. 
It was a constant.
 A foundation.
 A law.
 It is the pillar that has carried me everywhere and holds me up right 
now. The love that mom gave me is my strength and her intense wish for me to carry on with my own life is my courage and my HOPE to do just that.

I’d like to toast to my most amazing Mom – who truly loved life – and who would choose to live it all over again if given the chance – even if the outcome were the same!





Wednesday 28 August 2013

Hey there blog followers,

Just a reminder mom's Hawaiian party is on Wednesday, September 4th starting at 2pm at the Calgary Winter Club. We are expecting a large number of people to attend so please consider carpooling with friends and family.  Parking might also be found in the community across 14th street if desperate.  There will Hawaiian drinks served but you MUST be dressed in hawaiian attire!

Kelli
kellisherlock@gmail.com


Sunday 11 August 2013

I'm not sure if anyone will read this blog -- but what the heck...

Today was the Ride To Conquer Cancer - a day my mom was training and aiming for!  Mom always had a goal - something to focus on, something to look forward to, something to get her moving on those days she just didn't feel well.   The ride was an absolute incredible experience - almost like therapy.   We biked 117km the first day and 100km the second day!  There were some big climbs and fast descents! I didn't get off my bike once (except for at the designated rest stops of course!).  As I huffed and puffed my way up the hills, fighting the urge to jump off my bike, I just kept thinking - Mom LOVED hills.  She did - truly! It was where she left everyone in the dust and she knew it! She shone on hills (literally and metaphorically).  Mom was with us all; she was riding tandem on my bike (you just couldn't see her). There were tons of smiles, lots of tears and a lot of stories shared.  
Mom would have been so insanely proud of us!!!

THANK YOU for the incredible outpouring of support to my family these past few weeks, months and even years.  You have lifted us and carried us during some of the most difficult times.  THANK YOU to those who supported the Honey Badgers.  This was a ride and a cause my mom held near and dear to her heart - obviously for her own struggles but also for many friends affected.  She would want us to continue the fight against cancer...sooo...we all signed up again today for the 2014 ride!!!

There will be a celebration of life for Mom held at the Calgary Winter Club on September 4th at 2pm.  Mom wanted a party - so a party it will be.  Please dress in Hawaiian garb - yes it's true - mom loved Hawaii!!


Last years ride!

 Mom's story of courage and determination made the front page of the Calgary Herald yesterday!

I stopped at this store in Turner Valley to buy a sunflower - unfortunately they were sold out!!!  

 THE HONEY BADGERS!
 Boomer in his Honey Badger shirt at the finish line
218kms for MOM!!!

Tuesday 6 August 2013

With a heavy heart and a cannonball hole through my chest I'm sorry to write that my beautiful, strong, firecracker mom has passed away.  At 5:15 this morning my mom passed away peacefully, in her own bed, surrounded and held in love.  She won her battle with cancer - not allowing it to define her life.  She will live on in our hearts.

Stay tuned for a better tribute.

Kelli

Thursday 1 August 2013

WHITE RABBITS!!!!  
A difficult August 1st to feel optimistic - but Mom would be disappointed if we didn't at least try.  This month I am hoping for a little extra strength and courage.

It has been a very difficult couple of weeks in our house.  My mom is at home, in her own bed, surrounded by her loved ones.  Thank you to everyone for your cards, flowers, baking sheets, emails, notes, phone calls, pastas, soups, cookies, cakes - for your stories, your love, your support and for sharing your heartbreak.  I feel like I know my mom's blog followers well...even the ones I don't know face to face.  You will never know the strength, encouragement and purpose you have given to my mom and family.

Kelli

Thursday 25 July 2013

Sunday 21 July 2013

Just checkin in and although I did have a stream of visitors that was all I really did today.  Kathy drove in from Red Deer and has taken Boomer  back with  with her.  He will love the lake and labrador time most assuredly,
As much as you insist you love walking him also get a great holiday!  Huge big hugging thanks to you for who have assisted in this department!

Thankyou my darling friends for what you do each and every day.  You will never realize what you emails and kindnesses have done for me and my family.

Thursday 18 July 2013

I seem to be sliding a little on my blog these days, probably due to my bouts of not feeling well.  Food has no appeal these days but continue to force feed myself under Bill's ever watchful eye.  I know I have neglected many of you with my absence and there are many out there wondering if they have offended me.  It hurts me to think you could even begin to consider this possibility given the fact you have all treated me so well.  Believe me I would love to be out smacking the ball on the golf course, going for lunch, heading west to Windermere, walking the dog, enjoying coffee dates but it just isn't possible right now.  I'm trying to find myself back there and truly believe I can be there but just need some time to myself.  Some of you definitely get this and some feel neglected.  Please don't feel like this.  It just isn't the case and the last thing a need to fret about is my friends and family feeling as if I'm snubbing them.  Pure and simply, I think this is the roughest I have felt from start to now.  Eeven my Dad feels a little helpless.  He keeps offeing to do something.  At this point in time there is nothing to be done so sit tight, sent me positive vibes, keep those emails rolling.  I love reading your lovely upbeat mesages every single morning, I LOVE YOU!  And to those of you who need to see mel......just call or drop by.  I still enjoy my visitors....just not all day!
Love to all!!!!!Thanks again for the time and energy you have put into keeping me positive and happy over the entire year and a half!!!!  It is unbelievable to me how may have stuck by my side,  I have some very special people in my corner and I know it!

Wednesday 17 July 2013

Another laid back day.  They have become frequent in my days that's for sure.  Had the drain again yesterday and again he pulled off another 1.5 litres which is quite a lot in only ten days.  They are unsure  why this is happening but will monitor me through it.  I can breathe better for sure but still have some nasty side effects such as nausea which never seems to be pleasant.  I just choose to plod through these days and hope to regain a little more feel good on the other side but honesly don't know where this is going to end.  Kelli came home from her retreat with her residency group.  What a great idea to introduce you to the people you will be working closely with over the next year.  They went rafting on the  Kicking Horse yesterday and then stayed overnight at a beautiful cabin in the Golden area.  It is always a good thing to get to know people outside of the work situation.  She was pretty much dead when she arrived home and we were both happy to relax in our respective recliners for most of the afternoon.  Geoff came over before work and took some of my money back at crib.  Imagine doing that to your Mom!  Crib is one of those games we have fallen back to frequently as a family.  Bill is not crazy about it but when he knows I'm down and out he will play.   Still it is hardly a favourite game of his....all he can grumble is "No skill in this game....sheer luck!"  I certainly don't agree with that especially for one on one crib....perhaps a little more so for partner crib.  Im definitly not crazy about that.  Dad and I often run a tally when I am at  the lake,  Twenty five cents a game and a dollar a point!  My kids also enjoy it so it is one you will often find us sparring away at!

Anyways....short and sweet tonight.  Friends are here!

Monday 15 July 2013

Well, another birthday under my belt and one, if we are all a little honest, many, including myself wondered if I'd see.  Well see it I did and although I must confess I wasn't really excited about it like I am most birthdays actually turned out to be quite special indeed.  My good friend Margot who lives in flew in for a surprise visit on Friday night and we pretty much jawed our lips off for two days solid.  Margot is one of those people you cannot see for months, sometimes even years but there is no problem picking up the lines of friendship.  We had a lot to talk about and quite honestly, not a minute of the weekend seemed to drag.  Boomer and Bill were in seventh heaven because she pretty much took over the dog walking duties so happy dog and happy husband who got a well deserved break.  My other life long friend, Kathy drove down from Gull Lake o spend Saturday with us.  I had told you in a previous blog how we were so concerned he might have swallowed one of the Lady Bug Crystal Golf Balls.  He is an amazing dog.....swallows a golf ball and pukes up a sock!  Ohh George....I do believe you could win America's Got Talent with that Trick!!! Me thinks you and Kathy should consider this as a good retirement pursuit..  People would pay to see that trick.  Not sure you could perform it again though so maybe not.  Kathy got back to the lake and during the night George puked again several times,  Nice thing to arise to Sunday morning, I'm sure.  She called me and asked what I thought she should do.  I wasn't liking the way this was looking and told her if it were me I'd be taking him to the emergency clinic.  Kching....Well she did and luckily the x ray did not show a ball and the vet decided the stomach was probably just irritated from the sock.  Yes, it was an expensive trip to the vet but not as pricey as another friends dog experienced when he swallowed a tennis ball....can you imagine.... and had to undergo surgery!  $2000!  I also remember our friend Barry telling us about one of the dogs in the Police Canine Unit who ate a hockey sock.  The handler did not realize it until it was well entwined in the dogs guts.  By the time they got to the surgery it was several thousand dollars and I don't believe the dog was ever quite the same.  Moral of the story.....lock up those socks!  When Boomer was a puppy he acquired a real taste for Ladies underwear but was quite selective to the parts he liked.....only the crotch!  Not enough to worry about a blockage but certainly didn't impress Kelli or myself!  Fortunately he did grow out of this one.  I remember talking to my vet though about the things dogs do gobble down.  One of the most worrisome are the rock eaters.  They actually go outside and gobble down rocks which over time build up inside and have to be removed.  A very hard on to prevent given the fact that there are rocks everywhere a dog goes.  Then he told me about the lab who's owner was baking a pan of brownies.  She pulled them out of the oven and dropped the glass baking dish on the floor shattering it  The dog rushed in and gobbled up several bites before she was able to restrain him, glass and all.  Definitely a surgery situation with the sharp pieces of glass.  I just don't get it. These dogs are fat and happy but when presented with an opportunity to eat they just become huge gluttons.  If I opened up Boomers storage bin for his food he honestly would eat it till he popped!

Anyways...back to Saturday morning...Geoff and Lindsey floated in around 11 and worked their magic making us a fabulous brunch.  Such a treat!  Then our friends Brian and Brenda dropped by....it was pretty much a non stop entertain Leslie day.

Today I am not feeling good! Not sure if it was the constant stimulation of visiting all weekend or the chinese food we ordered in for dinner tonight but I have paid the price today.  Thats OK.....it was totally worth it.  Tomorrow another day of appointments and perhaps another drain on the lung.  The labored breathing has pretty much resumed which leads me to believe I need another session.  I just want to turn the corner and get out of this slump but so far not happening for me.  I keep telling my Dad I'd like to come out to see him at the lake but I honestly am not sure that is in my best interests right now.  So will continue to hang in there and hope for stronger days ahead.

Thanks to all of you who spoiled me on my birthday.  So many sweets and treats and so many messages.  It warms my heart that so many of you continue to follow along and cheer me on!  You will never know how much this has helped!
Love you all and count my blessings each and every day to have you in my life.

Oh and special bulletin on my pal Maureen!  They got back from their 4 day trip into Assiniboine and she discovered she likes this kind of back country experience.  If you have ever experienced Mount Assiniboine you would totally get it!  Its a place worth putting on your list.......Maureen loved it!


Saturday 13 July 2013

Happy Birthday to me!  And a good one it has indeed been.  Really wasn't approaching the day with my usual birthday enthusiasm and believe you me,  I have always been a huge birthday person.  Birthdays are meant to be celebrated!  Bill also teases me that I have a Birthmonth.....not a birthday.  I have always seemed able to drag my own birthday out for a great length of time.  Of course with things being like this one has been I was less enthused and more inclined to think that curling up on the couch might be a better way to go.  My day started out with a pedicure with my two favourite girls, Kelli and Lindsey.  They picked me up and took me over to Delicate Nails to treat me to one of my favourite self indulgences-a pedicure!  It was fun sitting there between these two having my feet pampered and massaged.  It got me to wondering when I took up this decadent indulgence.  Then it suddenly came to me.  On my fortieth birthday (so not soo long ago actually) Bill threw a surprise birthday party for me out at Ron and Margs place.  It was so awesome and actually did come off as a complete and utter surprise and is one I will never, ever forget becuase I have never really been good at pulling off surprises.  Bill, however, is the total opposite.  He has given me some really wonderful surprises over the years and they have honestly come off without a hitch.  This was one of those parties.  Ron hitched up his team and we went for a hay ride, Checkmate and a couple of other horses were saddled up in the arena for those brave enough to go for a ride, the barbecue was smoking hot and the ice cold beverages were flowing.  The best part was the group of friends and family who were there and it was an impressive group!  My friends gave me some wonderful gifts on that day including a gift certificate at Victories Beauty Salon for a makeover.  I'm hesitant to say who introduced me to the wonderful world of "pampering me" for a day but believe it was Holly, Wendy and Kim!  So thanks to you girls I have developed this life long addiction to getting someone else to pamper my feet probably much more frequently that is warranted.  Yesterdays adventure was really fun because we all chose such different color selections not even close or similar. Kelli chose a bright almost fluorescent pink that I swear she will be able so see in the depths of darkness, Lindseys a deep purple and my demure pink with white daisies on the big toe!  Our color choices might have been totally opposites on every level but we all felt so pleased with the end result.  Thanks girls!  What a nice treat!
From there we headed back home and Bill announced he had another surprise for me but he needed to pick it up around five ish.  OOOOKKK.....I've already had two birthday gifts from him....my camera lens and the rocks for for my Inukshuk so was a little taken aback that there was more to come.  We ate an early supper and he headed out to pick out my remaining surprise while I retired to my chair in the living room to wait and see.  Well he arrived home shortly thereafter with no surprise so just assumed I would be getting the surprise the next day which was my actual birthday.  I settled back on watching the news when the garage door opened and in walked my friend Margot all the way from Montreal.....just to see me!  What a thrill that was!  Imagine Boomer recruiting dogwalkers from across the country!!  I couldn't believe my eyes.  The last time she came as a surprise was again the weekend of my 40th birthday.  We gabbed until 10ish and I was happy to see she was lagging a bit as Montreal time is a couple of hours ahead of Calgary time and these days I'm pretty much ready to crash by 10:00.  Up and at it this morning and to per promise Bommer was treated to his morning walk with Margot!  I finally got up feeling quite nauseous this morning...most likely a sideeffect from the antibiotic they have put me on.  My second birthday TREAT was Kelli informing us that no cancer had shown up in the lung fluid they drained off last week.  I am just continuing to have side effects from the various drugs they are giving me to try to fix problems that keep cropping up..  The fatigue and shortness of breath are most likely still related to the drug I have been treated on to get my cell count down and who really knows how long I will have to deal with this problem.  Originally the doctor said it could be up to three months which would really suck but will just have to wait and see.  Based on how I;m feeling at the present I think that some of the fluid is probably back so may be looking at another drain session along with a temporary drain until things clear a little.  Enough of that....next surprise....Geoff and Lindsey showed up to cook us an awesome, delicious brunch this morning  They marched into my kitchen and in no time we had Edible Delectables (THANKYOU Pat and Marian and Auntie Marion), two types of delicious pancakes, sausages and bacon.  Everything was delicious and even I who have been a little off food enjoyed quite a hearty breakfast!  We all LOVE fruit and the fruit centrepieces were a delicious work of art.  We have been spoiled by my baking friends....monster cookies and rhubarb muffins from Judy, cupcakes from Cheryl and chocolate something cookies from Maureen and Cookies by George from my brother Kevin.  Good thing I have pals keeping me company here who love sweets this weekend!  Kathy also stopped by for brunch.  Now you are all probably wondering where Kathy and Margot fit into my life puzzle.  The girls and I spent many years hashing it out both off and on the badminton court during our badminton days.  Kahy and I also stayed with Margots family when were out east for tournaments.  We all spent a year playing together at the National Training Centre in our early 20's, and both of them were bridesmaids at my wedding.  These are special peeps to me!  Kathy and Margot have taken my beloved fur kid to Nose hill to spend some time with Kathy's new addition George.  She arrived this morning from Gull Lake bearing a card and one intact sleeve of Lady Bug balls and one not so intact sleeve.  In fact the second  sleeve had two Ladybug Crystal balls missing in action. All that was left of the cardboard sleeve was a shredded mess.  Apparently the balls were travelling in the backseat with George.  We did locate one ball but there is still one not accounted for.  I have given Kathy my tried and true formula for "How to make your dog puke when they have eaten something they should not have."  For those of you who have dogs prone to eating things such as gloves, socks and yes even the odd Ladybug golf ball I highly recommend you post this on your Emergency bulletin board.  You administer 1tsp for every 10 lbs a dog weighs.  So for example Boomer weighs about 75 pounds so I would give him 75 tsp. of 1% Hydrogen Peroxide.  Wait 15 minutes before administering another dose.  If this does not work the first time no alarm...you can give it up to three times before you need to see your vet.  Now Kathy is not sure that George actually ingested these balls and by now it would certainly be too late for this magic to work.  Hoping if he ate it he chewed it up well and it will just passing on through.....I cannot bring myself to consider how much a surgery would cost to retrieve a ladybug golf ball!  The only good news here would be that the ball might be salvageable!






Kathy's back with George and has rescued Margot for an hour or so for a Nose Hill Walk before she heads back to life at the lake!  This will be good for Margot.  I'm not thinking shes at all used to this sitting around all day stuff.  I know I'm not but for now it's just something I do.  Lovely to see her though and we are catching up on a ton of visiting!


Thursday 11 July 2013

I puttered around home this morning.  Bill said he had a surprise for me....we were going to go "shopping" for rocks for my Inukshuk. I have been wanting to build one in our backyard for years but it is just one of those things you procrastinate on....it never seems to get beyond the "I think I'd like one of those in my yard stages.  My vision was that we would collect rocks on our various trips  (and there has been no shortage of trips that involve lots of rock picking possibilities) and build it from these memories but again, we just never seemed to get past the thoughtful stage of it all.  Last summer I was admiring Irene and Ralph and Irene's Inukshuk up in Windermere.  I'm pretty sure Ralph didn't go to Burnco to get his rocks.  In any case....this is part of my birthday present and although I think had Bill known how much these five rocks were going to cost him it might have been yet postponed or at the very least we would have gone back to the original thought of poaching mountain rock which would have been a far better enconomic plan.  The rocks are pretty awesome though and the version of what is to be built is much larger than or original vision.  I'm thinking the darn thing is going to be as tall as me and outweigh me by several hundred pounds!  It will be awesome!

I love the symbolism behind the Inukshuk.  The traditional meaning of Inukshuk is "someone was here or you are on the right path."  They are the result of consensus of purpose, of focussed action by a group united in its' goal and labour.  The Inkshuk are the product of cooperation, teaching us that as good as our individual efforts might be, tegether we can do even greater things.  The stones of the Inukshuk are secured through balance.  They are chosen by how well they fit together.  Looking at the structure it can easily be seen that even removing one person will result in the weakening of the structure.  What holds the team together is balance -the complementary nature of individual skills.  The Inukshuk are a symbol of the human spirit.  They remind us of our need to belong to something greater than ourselves.

        "THE DIFFERENCE WE MAKE TODAY COUNS IN ALL OF OUR TOMORROWS"


I'm still dragging my heals.  The doctor seemed to think it would take at least a week or more before I would notice any improvements from the antibiotic.  Honestly, nothing yet but hopeful it is coming.  This is a very hard way to spend beautiful summer days.. Just a modest improvement would be greatly appreciated.  Just a little more energy so I can actually march out those walks and enjoy them....I am really having to practice my "positive virtue" right now and quite honestly I don't think I'm doing a very good job of it.

I keep thinking of all my friends out there enjoying summer....and don't get me wrong....I wouldn't wish for my friends not to enjoy the summer, nor would I not want to hear about it,  but when I hear stories of hiking trips, water skiing and yes even mowing grass at the golf course I find myself longing for that sense of normal that has been so long absent from my life.  Bill is great at getting me back on track and encouraging me to stay motivated.  He is becoming quite the cook.  Tonight he worked through an entire recipe for Linguine and Clam Sauce with only one question and is definitely much quicker at getting to the end result.  I always have to laugh at him.  He'll say what time should we eat....my usual answer.....oh not yet....in awhile.  Well, he looks at the clock and decides 6 or 6:30 then is shocked to discover that it's going to take him an hour to get everything to the eating stage.  He is getting there though, I must give him an A plus!

We missed Pats phone call today asking if Boomer could come out to play!  Must have been out rock picking but I know if he understood that call he'd be a most disappointed lab.  Another day please Pat!!

Hoping the weather holds for the end of Stampede.  Sounds like it's been quiet out there this year but it's nice to see everyone still getting into the spirit of things despite what has happened in our city in the last few weeks!!

Tuesday 9 July 2013

Today had appointments at the TB with the hematologist.  I knew it would be slow as they were fitting us in but slow doesn't begin to describe it.  We were there at 11 AM for bloodwork.  Finished up there and headed over to clinic area where we proceeded to wait until 2:30.  The appointment had been scheduled for 12:20.  You are so at their mercy.  They breeze in with a flip little "Sorry we're running a little late."  I honestly don't think they give a tinkers damn.  The good news is my blood has pretty much normalized at this point and you would think with that would come a sense of feeling better.  Just hasn't happened for me yet though. The doctor was a little surprised that they had not put me on an antibiotic when I was at Emergency as the report described "patchy" spots in my lungs consistant with what you might see with a pneumonia.  She decided to start me on a course of antibiotics which is fine with me.  Although I have no fever and am not coughing up stuff I must confess I feel very similar to how I did when I had pneumonia following my first surgery.  Normally a person who steers away from meds,  I find I'm just shrugging these days and saying "Why not? You've given me much worse than that."  So will give the antibiotics a try and as strange as it sounds hope that I do in fact have pneumonia.  I know that last time I had a very quick turn around after starting them and started to feel much improved after a relatively short time.  We left the Foothills and headed down to Lics for icecream cones.  It was lovely to sit out front and slurp back one of my all time favourite flavours....coconut!  From there home to drop me off so Bill could go pick up a few groceries and my perscription.  A lovely surprise when we pulled into the driveway.  My pal Judy, dropping by with a bag of goodies and a cute White Rabbit card!  Thanks Judy! It's been a long time since I've baked anything and Bill wasted no time tucking into everything.  We had a great visit as always.  As Judy left, Maureen pulled in with a plate of cookies so we are more than set in the sweets and treats department for awhile.  You girls are soooo good to us!  Maureen and Duane are off to one of my favourite places on earth tomorow....Mount Assiniboine.  They are booked in for the next four nights.  Duane loves the back country...Maureen not so much.  She says she just can't see the purpose behind "hiking".  I am sure she will change here mind when she sees the beauty this place is surrounded in.  For my Dad's  birthday a few years back, we booked a couple of nights up there.  We took the helicopter in from Mount Shark and spent a couple of unforgettable days traipsing around the abundance of trails available to explore in the area.  This also an area of prime Grizzly habitat and I suspect Maureen might be having some nerves about the possibility of an up close and personal encounter.  When we were there most of the guests did see bears over the course of their stay, some a little closer than they would have preferred.  We saw two.  One up hunting squirrels near the Naiset Huts and another as we crossed over Marvel Pass.  I have a healthy respect for bears, expecially Grizzly's but to my knowledge there has never been an aggressive attack up at Assiniboine.  The hosts at the lodge keep you well appraised of what is in the area and encourage you to hike in groups.  There are many tourists up there every summer and I believe that the bears share the same respect for us as we do for them.  Our closest encounter was with the young bear hunting.  He did stop momentarily, standing up on his back legs to study us with his nose.  Bears have terrible vision and rely heavily on their auditory senses and sense of smell to tell them what they have encountered.  My only regret on seeing this guy was that I did not have my camera as he would have made a fabulous photo!  We hurried back to the lodge to drag Dad up to see him but by the time we got back with Dad in tow, he was long gone.  In any case it was such a lovely way to welcome Dad's birthday!  If you love the mountains be sure to add Mount Assiniboine to your list of destinations.  We took the helicopter in and then hiked out over Marvel Pass and around Marvel Lake.  On a beautiful day there isn't a prettier place to be found.  If this doesn't convert Maureen to keen hiker nothing will!!!

Monday 8 July 2013

I'm learning the life of a hermit isn't that fun.  There must be someone out there picking up on my vibes though because out of the blue Geoff and Lindsey arrived.  Lindsey performed the most hated task by all members of the Sherlock household....especially the recipient....she attacked Boomer with the Furminator.  She got so much hair off him it looked like half a dog had died in the back forty.  When Bill arrived home later in the afternoon he glanced out the window and said..."Wow...look at all the baby prairie chickens out back.."  After a little closer inspection he realized these clumps of black were in not baby prairie chickens.....just globs of black lab fur.  We truly wish we could find a way to market this stuff.....Remember the days of Sealskin boots...

Geoff and Lindsey stayed for a bit then off they went and I was again sitting here psyching myself up for my walk when the doorbell rang and there was my neighbour St. Connie.  Connie has volunteered with YYC and is delivering "Come Hell or Highwater T-shirts".  I had suggested that I would like to buy a couple of shirts but of course Connie just showed up with shirts in hand....a gift from her and Michael!  I am learning I have to be careful what I wish for because people take me to heart and I start to feel a bit like a spoiled brat!!  We had a nice visit and then she offered to take my fur child to Nose Hill.  He has been so spoiled this week!  Thankyou.  I know it seems goofy that something like this  means so much to me but I love to see him come home from his walk with that giant goofy grin on his black face!  Thanks Connie!  Missed you when you came back!

I have some appointments set up for the week.  Tomorrow I will have some bloodwork done and will see the hematologist.  I have not been on the desantinib (the CML) drug since Thursday so will find out when they want me to resume that or if they want to try one of the other alternatives.  Then I see the GP on Wednesday so they can listen to my lungs so a couple of days of medical focus which will wear me out for sure.

Had a neat reminder from my friend Monica today who is also going through her own issues at the moment.  Her favourite formula is  M/E=H    translated to mean....keep motivation high, expectations low and that will keep you happy.  Think I'll give that one a shot!

Sunday 7 July 2013

Still plugging along spending most days close to home.  Today, though, I bit of a break through in attitude.  Kelli bargained with me...she would take Boomer to Nose Hill if I would go for a walk.  Honestly for all my belief in staying active and focussing on that, I have not been doing a very good job as of late.  I think the issues around the extreme fatigue and then the breathlessness at very little exertion was pretty much making it impossible for me and I fell into a pattern of doing as little as I could just to spare myself those moments of feeling like I just couldn't breathe and that my heart was going to jump right out of my chest.  I have never experienced anything like that in my life.  Kelli knows the card to play though and she knows how thrilled I have been to have Pat and Amber slide by this week to take Boomer up to the park.  He is like a different dog.  For a guy who has always been very well walked and exercised this past month has been hard on him too.  Bill does walk him but never the same way and can you blame him.  He has pretty much taken on all household responsibilities this past month....cooking, cleaning, gardening, shopping......and as much as I feel guilty not pitching in I have been quite content to let him do these things for me.  Today he decided to make lasagnes and I sat on my perch and coached and he worked away and produced three future dinners!

So when I wandered down to the back gate, opened it up and extended an invite to go for a walk I could just see this look of joy and perhaps even relief land on my dear friends face.  We walked (very slowly) across to the point where I took a few minutes to sit on a park bench and enjoy the view and to catch my breath and my pawed pal just snuggled right up with a look that said "Thank goodness you're back!  You've had me worried!"  Well I may not back but I do know that often taking that first step of going to the gym, or going for a run for the first time is the biggest hurdle to overcome.  I'm promising myself to stick to it and hopefully things will start to return back to a better form of normal than they have been.  Long walks still looking to be a ways off for me but you've gotta start somewhere and today was my start!

Boomer has always been a huge lover of walks.  I always remember Geoff describing him this way:  "Boomer does not walk, Boomer does not run.....Boomer frolics!!  And even at the age of 9 he still gives off that aura of joy that he is out enjoying the outdoors with his people.  I always laugh when people ask how old he is.  When I tell them his age,  they are totally bowled over  We have a neighbour who has a chocolate lab around the same age.  To see the two of them together you could never even begin to imagine they were the same age.  Baxter is fat and lumpy and he is the greyest dog I have ever met.  Unlike most dogs who grey under the chin, this guys entire face is pretty much white.  Along with that his paws have all turned white as well. It certainly gives him a unique look!   I'm sure some of it is pure genetics but also believe the exercise card plays it's part as well.  My first lab, Thumper, lived to be 18 years old!  He, like Boomer led an extremely active life.  He hiked with my family, came horseback riding with me on almost a daily basis, swam in the Bow River and ran loose around the neighbourhood!  On top of this my Dad would run him behind our cars.  I remember Dad picking us up at the Winter Club.  We would then proceed home, down John Laurier Blvd. to 19th street, turned south on 19th Street to Northmount Drive then more south to our home in Charleswood.  I would hang out the front window calling him and he would run full bore all the way home!  Amazingly, he only got hit by a car once!  When I tell this story I just shake my head.  Now days I almost think of that kind of treatment to a beloved pet as being abusive but honestly, he loved it and so did we and the traffic was certainly different in those days than it is in 2013.  Still, not even sure it's a story I should be sharing!  Rest assured I would never even consider running Boomer behind my car!  Then again, Thumper only ever visited a vet a couple of times in his entire life.  I don't think we ever vaccinated him for a darn thing.  Boomer has never missed a vaccination and has had several vet visits to the emergency hospital over the year that have topped $1000!  I will bet my pay cheque that Boomer will not outlive Thumpers amazing eighteen!

So what's up this week?  Not sure...hoping to continue to get my energy levels back.  I am off the drug for a few days at least but at the moment my blood counts are looking pretty good.  I am going to try to snag an appointment with the doctor this week and see what she suggests from this point.  Other than than that I'm just hoping to get enough zip back to go for my horse riding date with my friend Vicki and to hit the golf course.  Still not there but that's where I've got my sights a set!

Saturday 6 July 2013

Missed yesterdays blog.  Just a little tied up!  I have been having this escalating difficulty with breathing issues over the last week or so.  Just going up a few steps would leave me without breath and needing to rest.  It was exhausting.  Kelli usually doesn't examine me however the night before she did take a listen to my lungs and was pretty sure I had a pleural infusion.  Yesterday morning the home care nurse checked in on me and didn't like the sounds of things either.  We had been trying to get a hold of the doctor for the past couple of days but of course you never get to talk to a real person anymore and we never did get a return call.  The home care nurse decided I should head over to Crowfoot yesterday and get a chest X-ray   So around 11:30 we packed up and went there only to discover that the radiology department would be closed until 1 PM due to Parade Day.  So back home again to wait again until 1PM.  We headed back to Crowfoot and of course the waiting room was full with the place being closed all morning.  I sat there and wondered just how many of the staff had actually gone to the parade.  Anyways, it wasn't without it's entertainment.  Bill is always amazed at my nosy nature but honestly, when you just sit and wait in these situations all the time you do tend to listen in on peoples conversations and at the volumne they speak I have come to the conclusion they are quite happy to have an audience.  The remand center guards brought a guy in in shackles, arms and legs.  I proceeded to listen to his story...how many times he'd been shot and stabbed, his criminal history, etc.   Obviously pretty proud of his accomplishments as a human being.  The one guard looked mildly interested and engaged him in conversation, the other guy looked like he'd like to put a gag order on him.  The waiting room was packed with people reading their magazines but I'm pretty sure that most of us were tuned into this guy.  Just a little beyond most of our imagination scopes!  Well,  the prisoner moved from his criminal history to talking about his kids.  I'd put him in his early thirties at best.  He had six kids the youngest, his baby, by his description, now expecting herself!  Yikes!  Finished up there and headed home to call the family doctor to make sure she looked at the results before heading home.  Bill says my timing on these events is always incredible!  Christmas,  weddings, but especially Friday nights and this one particularily good.....the first Friday night of Stampede week!  We called the doctors office at 3:15 to be told everyone had left for the day and no the doctor had not seen the xray result.  I should just go to Emergency. The whole reason I went through this whole riggermerole in the first place was to avoid going to emergency.  I'm sitting there looking at Bill saying I am not going into Emergency.  We'll wait until tomorrow...can you even begin to imagine what it'll be like tonight?  A total zoo factory!  Well, I then got two more phone calls, one from the oncologists office and one from the Tom Baker Pharmacist.  Both were very concerned and stressed I needed to go into Emergency sooner than later. They were very concerned and I was in a dangerous situation!   So...put supper back in the fridge and headed over to the Foothills.  It was as busy as I expected with all manner of complaints, some very seriously sick people and then Stars arrived.  It's not very comforting sitting in Triage with patients on each side of you puking into their bowls and knowing your own cell counts are all over the map.  It took quite awhile to get through the triage process.  When I finally got to the front the nurse took my history.  As she was finishing up a nurse escorted another couple in to the room.  They were only there a few minutes when the very very sick woman who had been sitting next to me came in and said these people had jumped the que when she went to the washroom to be sick.  This wasn't their first attempt at jumping in front of other people over the course of the evening.  The nurse looked at this poor woman and said yes but THIS woman is very sick!  Do you mind waiting while I examine her.  I'm no nurse but I had been sitting in a row with these people for over an hour and I can tell you these people were pullling a fast one!  The sick lady responded "And so am I."  I felt so bad for her.  They sent us back to the admitting area.  There were about five stations, none of which were occupied so I just picked one and sat down as I wasn't feeling great.  The clerk told me to get up and go to the waiting room....I would be called when they were ready for me.  I just looked at her and asked if I couldn't just sit for a minute to which I was informed I needed to move on back to the waiting area.  She was a real snarly one!   We waited probably another hour before finally being called back to triage where I apparently snagged the nicest room in the house!  Basically a cupboard, but it did have privacy which was pretty nice and I did get the same nurse I had had the previous week who I really liked.  His name was Raoul and he was totally awesome.  Kind, competent, pleasant.....so awesome to have someone who clearly likes his job and is good at it!  We really appreciated him a ton.  By now Kelli had arrived after her nine hour shift at the Peter Louheed.  Isn't that just what you'd want to do?  A nine hour Emergency Shift followed by a few more hours of emergency in another hospital eating delicious hospital grilled cheese sandwiches for supper!?  I had a really great doctor last night.  Both Kelli and Geoff told me I was in excellent hands and had snagged one of the better ones. Still, a long, long night of more X-rays and waiting.  It was determined that I did in fact have fluid on my left lung, a side effect of the drug I'm currently on in 20% of patients.  I had to have some more xrays in some very uncomfortable interesting contortions but the techs appreciated me...I was the most mobile patient they had had all day.  Funny how a little comment like that can make you feel pretty good.  Weird, actually!  After this series of xrays they decided the fluid was moving so they could take it off.  Basically a needle was inserted in my back, entering the cavity between my lung and another layer where they withdrew the accumulated fluid. The doctor took a liter and a half off of me.  He was going to give me some fentinol before starting but I was having no part of that....that is one of the drugs that gave me the hallucinations when I had my first surgery.  Just wasn't in the mood for baby tigers in my room or paranoia about nurses not caring for me so opted to go with local freezing which turned out to be just fine.  The procedure really wasn't painful at all, just a little uncomfortable knowing they're sticking a needle in your back.  Had to go back for another series of xrays to make sure they had suctionned it all off then sent me home pretty close to midnight.  I was bagged.  I climbed into bed last night and do not think I moved the entire night.  Bill finally came in at 10 AM this morning and woke me up and I was in exactly the same position I had landed the night before.
Today I am a little sore and still quite tired.  I think they still have to test the pathology of the fluid to try to determine why it was there but suspect it will just come back as a drug reaction.  Also still need to find out if they think I have pneumonia which is also a possibility.  Still feeling a little punk today but hopeful will see a return to mobility and a little more vigour in a few days.  I keep thinking....Ok we did that......it's fixed, not realizing that these things are never an instant fix!  Small steps.